Sex in Society



April 2, 1998

      The social aspect of sex in society has always been an issue. From early times until our present day, our biological urges have always conflicted with social restraints. This has caused a great deal of tension between men and women in relationships. This fundamental tension is explored in the seventeenth century poem "To His Coy Mistress," and in the early twentieth century poem "The Subverted Flower." Contrariwise, the modern poem "A Fine, a Private Place," displays what happens when our biological urges are allowed to run free, without interference from mores.

      In "To His Coy Mistress," by Andrew Marvell, the speaker exaggerates exceedingly to express his desire to have sex with the woman for whom the poem is written. He begins to woo her in a humorous sort of way, and then becomes more serious later in the poem. The whole poem is basically an argument trying to persuade them both to yield to their sexual desires. Meanwhile, in "The Subverted Flower," by Robert Frost, a man presents a flower to a woman through a show of gentlemanly courtship. Robert Frost displays the problem of sexual desire in courtship between the man and women in twentieth century American society. Lastly, in "A Fine, a Private Place," by Diane Ackerman, a woman recalls an extraordinary sexual experience between her and an unnamed man. Ackerman mirrors the woman's experience onto a sea scene, dramatizing the enactment of her sexual desires.

      In "To His Coy Mistress," the pre-existing mores were a problem for the speaker. He wanted to be able to have sex without any outside interference. He begins his argument by saying:

                 Had we but world enough, and time,
                 This coyness, Lady, were no crime.
                 We would sit down and think which way
                 To walk and pass out long love's day.

The speaker mentions that if they had forever, then they could allow these prohibitions to govern their actions. However, the poem begins in a cynical sort of fashion, which is seen through the beginning line, "Had we but world enough, and time." He is implying just the opposite.

      The speaker says that even though he would complain, he would

                 Love you ten years before the Flood,
                 And you should, if you please, refuse
                 Till the conversion of the Jews.
                 My vegetable love should grow
                 Vaster than empires, and more slow

Though he wouldn't be content with the idea of waiting forever to achieve expression for his sexual desire, he will if he must. His response is much like a child responding to his mother with, "Do I have to?"

      The man continues to whine:

                 Thy beauty shall no more be found,
                 Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
                 My echoing song; then worms shall try
                 That long preserved virginity,
                 And your quaint honor turn to dust,
                 And into ashes all my lust:
                 The grave's a fine and private place,
                 But none, I think, do there embrace.

The man pleads with the woman to yield to the social restraints, and to give in to her sexual desire. He tells the woman that her honor will be of no use to her in the grave. He doesn't just say honor though, he says "quaint honor," meaning pleasingly odd. This remark is ironic in a way. He states that her conformity to old-fashioned views will just be thieved away by worms in the end.

      The speaker lastly declares what's really on his mind:

                 Rather at once our time devour
                 Than languish in his slow-chapped power.
                 Let us roll all our strength and all
                 Our sweetness up into one ball,
                 And tear our pleasures with rough strife
                 Through the iron gates of life

The man wants sex, plain and simple. He wants an incredible one-night stand, which would have the power to parallel that of an entire life together. The problem is that society won't allow this to happen. The mores of this time were to wait until marriage to express any type of sexual desire and the woman upheld these views.

      In a similar manner, "The Subverted Flower," deals with the tension surrounding the prevailing mores. First we must identify the effectiveness of this poem's title. Right off the bat we are presented with an idea of passion through the title. It is a juxtaposition of the verb 'subverted' and the symbol 'flower.' Flowers are symbolic of love and affection; even the physical makeup is soft and beautiful. "Subvert" means to destroy or overthrow, to pervert or corrupt by an undermining of morals. When these two ideas are combined, we are left with the image of a flower being corrupted. This flower corresponds to the morally binding customs of society involving sexual expression. The undermining of these customs is the man and woman's biological urge to such expression. So now, even before reading the poem, the reader has a clear-cut image of the conflict between social restraints and sexual desire.

      The tension between the man and woman is already noticeable in the first line:

                 She drew back; he was calm:
                 "It is this that had the power."
                 And he lashed his open palm
                 With the tender-headed flower.

She was nervous with the situation and "drew back," while he waited patiently and "lashed his open palm/ With the tender-headed flower." The poem's intensity increases as the man's patience grows thin:

                 He smiled for her to smile,
                 But she was either blind
                 Or willfully unkind

The woman cannot control her desires as society demands it, and so remains motionless. The man, on the other hand, as though to intensify the situation even more, continues:

                 He flicked and flung the flower,
                 And another sort of smile
                 Caught up like fingertips
                 The corners of his lips
                 And cracked his ragged muzzle.

The man can no longer hold back, and concedes to his cravings. He let some of the desire seep out through an erotic smile that "caught up like fingertips/ the corners of his lips." As though the woman didn't have enough to resist already, the man persists on:

                 He stretched her either arm
                 As if she made it ache
                 To clasp her – not to harm;
                 As if he could not spare
                 To touch her neck and hair.

He couldn't control himself any longer. He had to touch her – to caress her. He desired so much more, but knew the social boundaries too well to push any further.

      The woman's restraint was unbelievable:

                 She had to lean away.
                 She dared not stir a foot,
                 Lest movement should provoke
                 The demon of pursuit
                 That slumbers in a brute.

Frost implies that the woman wanted so much to touch him. She wanted to caress him the way he was her, but this wasn't possible. She realized that if she even dared to move towards him, his desire would explode and burn like wildfire, and she wouldn't have the strength to resist. This act would be completely unacceptable according to mores.

      Then the serenity broke:

                 It was then her mother's call
                 From inside the garden wall
                 Made her steal a look of fear
                 To see if he could hear
                 And would pounce to end it all
                 Before her mother came.

The woman was nervous beyond all doubt, but didn't know what to do. She just stood there hoping for the best:

                 She looked and saw the shame:
                 A hand hung like a paw,
                 An arm worked like a saw
                 As if to be persuasive,
                 An ingratiating laugh
                 That cut the snout in half,
                 An eye become evasive.

The man, coming into realization of his action, stops and becomes shameful. His hand "hung like a paw," and tried to change the mood by "an ingratiating laugh." He became uneasy, and his eyes, once fixed on her face, frantically attempt to find another point of focus. Then he turns apologetically and takes off running.

      She breaks from all the tension and starts shouting at him:

                 And oh, for one so young
                 The bitter words she spit
                 Like some tenacious bit
                 That will not leave the tongue.
                 She plucked her lips for it,
                 And still the horror clung.

Frost releases her built up stress, produced by the tension, through this terrible cursing. The woman was furious that he didn't follow through, and act out his sexual desire; though if he would have, she would have cursed him still. Of course she felt the passion as he, but she knew her role in society all too well. She was supposed to evade this feeling of sexual desire, and to prevent these feelings from ever being brought up. Yes she knew what her responsibilities were, but was so confused with all the emotions running through her body, she didn't know what to do. The only idea she was sure about was that she didn't want him to leave.

      These last two poems portray the tension involved when the enactment of sexual desire is restricted by mores. The following poem, on the other hand, deals with the rejecting of mores in order to act out the prevailing sexual desire. "A Fine, a Private Place," by Ackerman is a total change in direction from the previous two. Right off the bat, the reader is presented with the man's all too familiar sexual desires:

                 He took her one day
                 under the blue horizon . . .
                 and had to ask twice
                 before she understood
                 his stroking her arm
                 with a marine feather
                 slobbery as aloe pulp
                 was wooing, or saw the octopus
                 in his swimsuit
                 stretch one tentacle
                 and ripple it's silky bag.

The unnamed man tries to convince the woman to yield to her sexual desires. This man's charismatic style was so smooth that he "had to ask twice / before she understood," what his intentions were. However, no matter how crafty his expression of sexual desire towards the woman seemed, it was blatantly obvious. He strokes her arm, and she sees "the octopus / in his swimsuit / stretch one tentacle / and ripple its silky bag." This sign of physical arousal can be no bolder.

      The woman's sexual desire prevails:

                 While bubbles rose
                 Like globs of mercury,
                 They made love
                 Mask to mask, floating
                 With oceans of air between them,

The woman no longer strives to uphold the idealistic chastity belt forced on her by the social conventions. She breaks free from these menacing old-fashioned views and enters the realm of carefree sex.

      She pauses in the physical act for a moment, to describe the man:

                 His sandy hair
                 And sea-blue eyes,
                 His kelp-thin waist
                 And chest ribbed wider
                 Than a sandbar
                 Where muscles domed
                 Clear and taut as shells

It's obvious that she accepts his offer of sex because she is physically attracted to him. She finds his body very erotic in form.

      The woman continues her description:
                 his sea-battered hands
                 gripping her thighs
                 like tawny starfish
                 and drawing her close
                 as a pirate vessel
                 to let her board:
                 who was this she loved?

The woman doesn't know the man, so she couldn't possibly love him. She didn't care to know him either; all she wanted was to fulfill her desires. This was a sure sign of a purposeful evasion of mores.

      Now Ackerman returns to the physical enactment of their desires:
                 Part of a lusty dream
                 under aspic, her hips rolled
                 like a Spanish galleon.
                 Her eyes swam
                 and chest began to heave.
                 Gasps melted on the tide.
                 Knowing she would soon
                 be breathless as her tank,
                 he pumped his brine deep within her, . . .
                 An ear to her loins
                 would have heard the sea roar.

The woman's erotic thoughts indicate her shear enjoyment. Ackerman's descriptive language, "under aspic," "eyes swam," "gasps melted," and especially "An ear to her loins / would have heard the sea roar," paint a perfect picture of the scene. It describes the woman's ecstasy.

      Ackerman draws to a close with the woman's thoughts:
                 Later, she thought often
                 of that blue boudoir,
                 pillow-soft and filled
                 with cascading light,
                 where together
                 they'd made a bell
                 that dumbly clanged
                 beneath the waves
                 and minutes lurched
                 like mountain goats.

The woman doesn't regret the moment for a second. In fact, she says that "minutes lurched/ like mountain goats," implying she had a great time.

      Whereas the first two poems portray the tension involved when sexual desire and social mores conflict, the last poem displays what happens when sexual desire prevails and overrides the existing mores. An interesting concept to note is the strength of mores throughout the years. Up until the mid twentieth century, women were expected to uphold the mores. But in "A Fine, a Private Place," the woman doesn't hold back her feelings of sexual desire like the women described in the previous poems. In Ackerman's poem, the mores don't prevent the woman's actions, and society certainly doesn't condemn her with a scarlet letter, as it might have in earlier times. Times have changed from the seventeenth century to the present day. As men became increasingly forward with their sexual desires, the women fought even more vigorously to uphold the valued mores. However, once society reached a certain point, women began to yield to their desires as well. Society no longer banishes people for having premarital sex, it merely accepts it. The woman in the last poem acts on her sexual desires and has a wonderful time as a result. In retrospect, I'm not saying that women should do whatever they choose, whenever they choose. If they did, society would have an epidemic of STD's on its hands, larger than it is now. However, if women feel the same desires as men do, which is obvious in the last poem, why does society only shun the women and not the men as well?  We should hold the same expectation and consequence for both men and women, as both are equally responsible.